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On the Spectrum

by Mayhem Lettuce

/
1.
The history is deafening; the fiction will be true An alternate universe cracks and bleeds as I plead unto you No one understand me when I'm looking in your eyes No one understands you like I promise to try I promise to try There's a phantom of a kiss hiding somewhere on your lips and I can't understand why I haven't chased it out haven't pried it from your mouth and proudly stood my ground I remember when things were less candid - Before the kiss firmly planted I don't think I'll ever understand it - I certainly never could've planned it When did the world turn so slanted? - How will I ever withstand it? I promise I won't take you for granted - I'm sorry for all the times that I've ranted Such a strange place we've landed - In love forever here we're stranded A sinner I'll be ever branded - For learning to drive left-handed The purple barely shows through anymore It's too bright now and it's too late to see the sun Red and yellow exist in memory and reflection only If only that were true - sunset on a fingernail The pen stutters in my fading fingers when there's too much red Red infesting the trinities of time Crimson Scarlet Rust covers all my clocks brittle and failed Fingers tied and painted ache in remembrance of sins 23 times replayed My mouth leaks lubricants unneeded at thoughts hidden beneath your sweater Stained red echoes of too early too soon too little too much too late too right tonight My car is filthy, you laugh, crime spattering sheepishly on every inch of the photograph The hair on your arms perks up at my approach A forest of delight I can't explore tonight - Maybe never again Not until the world grows empty and asks for more children Meantime, there are cats to pet and sins to count and stars to wish on And grey enough to coat the world in - To make it more mine To conceal the red; to conceal from the red the beauty and horror of love unbridled A clever thief am I Stealing free bread from the little red wagons of children too old to care Stealing the hearts from all the Angels too sad to fly Stealing language from the Gods to shower you with I'll never be clean again.
2.
Scents of Seattle flutter from the bee-stained envelope Trembling with tears I read my favorite handwriting beneath the orange petals Twice as always And it's a perfect start to a full mooned Friday the 13th I'll forget her knot tied together in evers and all ways and moon cursed kisses best remembered over tea She often is the pillow and the sky I dream in blue when I tire of my grey ways She is the thirst that cures the mirage of all the other girls She is the face i kiss when i am calm and visible and there is no wind I visit her like an ancient temple, all respect and courtesy and delicate footfalls And every time, she crumbles upon me, wrestles me to the ground and shouts her love in my ear Then we watch the sun die and bleed gold over the mountains She is the East and the mystique of its people She is darling and sensuous and without boundaries She will bring the rain uninvited to my party Love crafted of flowers and myth, she is gentle and wild Orange petals sent by post bring me back to her Calm and aware and unfeeling of anything beyond each other's fingers She stands firm against the sea, ready to hurl smiles at me from the other side of mountains
3.
Thoughts drooping like the weeping willow My taste in music grows more mellow My head lies content upon the pillow Watching the pages turn yellow I've been here for a quarter century 300 moons - an awful lot of poison But in the end, it's all art and lyrics and so much fury Waiting my turn to be chosen
4.
Nevergreen 03:05
You never knew what you wanted from me You never knew what you wanted yourself Now you've been drinking so as to better ignore me Finish this chapter and put the book on the shelf Your heart was Nevergreen And now I feel unclean I remain largely terrified I remain largely in denial All I ever wanted was to wake up next to you Break up next to you Make up next to you Your heart was Nevergreen And now I feel unclean It doesn't matter It's not important I don't even think you can exist on that level You never cared You never felt it You don't even give a damn if I thought it was real Your heart was Nevergreen And now I feel unclean I've fallen under the curse of May 21st Like a needle in a smokestack - your heart can't be seen Perpetual winter; your heart Nevergreen Your heart was Nevergreen Poisoned by nicotine Drowning in gasoline Under the guillotine Circumstances unforeseen And now I feel unclean
5.
Oh, I wish I was clear Oh, instead of transparent Oh, I wish I was clever And soon I'll be a parent Oh, would you believe in miracles? In ghosts? In comic book heroes? Oh, would you believe in one so verbose and morose as me? Oh, clear as crystal Oh, I love you Oh, clear as crystal Oh, you are mine Bear me no ill, just bear me a child Who will know tolerance and joy
6.
Are my eyes soft enough to cushion her fall? Can I give her the world she deserves? Are my arms strong enough to keep her inside? Will she grow up to save the world? Can I paint the world a better shade of blue? (To match her eyes) Can I paint the sea a deeper shade of green? (To match her name) I will try for you I will cry for you I will try for you I would die for you Can I paint the world a better shade of blue? (To match her eyes) Can I paint the clouds a nicer shade of white? (To match her smile) I will try for you I will cry for you I will try for you I would die for you I can only promise to be the best Dad I can be. I don't know how good a Dad that is yet but I think we'll be okay.
7.
Isaac Asimov once said "It is customary to list indigo as a color lying between blue and violet, but it has never seemed to me that indigo is worth the dignity of being considered a separate color. To my eyes it seems merely deep blue." And I agree with that. I've never understood Indigo. It's almost never even depicted the same way. Sometimes it is, as Asimov said, a deep blue. Sometimes it's shown as a full-on purple. Sometimes it's very much in what I consider pink's jurisdiction. What the hell? And talking of purple, what's the deal with purple and violet? My brain organizes colors based on Crayola's designations and so purple and violet are synonyms to me. And they probably are to you too. Now, I know that in Color Theory violet is the color next to blue that helps make up white light and purple is a mix of any shade of red or violet and white, meaning that no pure light source can produce purple. Purple is impure. Purple is vague. Purple exists outside the spectrum. Purple is a category of colors. Purple is magenta and pink and fuchsia and all sorts of other colors that Crayola clearly has names for. Violet is a color and purple is an abstract and esoteric concept. But what of Indigo? Indigo is bullshit. Indigo was made up by Sir Isaac Newton when he prismed white light into its component bits and discovered the spectrum of colors of which visible light is composed. For reasons that are not entirely clear to me, Newton wanted there to be 7 colors to match the 7 musical notes of the major scale and the 7 planets of which humans were, at that time, aware. And, perhaps most weirdly, the 7 days of the week. He really needed them all to match up. Colors, music and planets I can dig as they are all great big elements of the natural world. But the days of the week are an arbitrary man-made construct. Like Indigo. For, you see, Newton invented Indigo, forcing this nonsensical, nonexistent wedge between blue and violet for his own weird, aesthetic, quasi-religious purposes. Plus, Crayola didn't even HAVE an Indigo crayon until the year 2000, some 340 years after Newton crammed it into our rainbow ensuring that children would be forever bewildered by this mythological half-blue, half-purple crypto-color. So, you know, there's that.
8.
She says there’s gold in them there eyes But I’ve never seen it I’m still blinded by the glittering prize I hope she knows I mean it I hope she knows that I’m memorizing every color That she flashes at me From steel grey to creamy jade to periwinkle I hope she knows what I see Periwinkle eyes – as deep as the skies – intellectualize the punk scene Periwinkle eyes – my glittering prize – hypnotize and charm me Periwinkle eyes – materialize – and tranquilize and calm me Periwinkle eyes – like a sunrise – immobilize and surprise me What I see is a future filtered through colors A different hue for each day And I’ll learn them all and paint them by numbers And love her stronger each day There’s cornflower mornings and metallic green nights And cloudy blue teary eyes whenever we fight A coppery Kelly green when you feel all right And powdery misty blue when I hold you tight Periwinkle eyes – as deep as the skies – intellectualize the punk scene Periwinkle eyes – my glittering prize – hypnotize and charm me Periwinkle eyes – materialize – and tranquilize and calm me Periwinkle eyes – like a sunrise – immobilize and surprise me Accented by glitter and a sprinkle of Pixie dust You set me on fire with your eyes full of Pixie lust
9.
No wonder I fell so far from my home Chasing you down wherever you'd roam Tiger stripes fading with each moonless night Trying so hard to make it feel right It was so hard to get me inside you But it was so easy to color you purple Yeah you were easy So easy to color purple Moving too fast Moving too slow I could never make up my mind You were the key to a kingdom of Faeries Whose door I would never find You say you're sorry for letting me believe And now I'm sorry I colored you purple But you were so easy So easy to color purple
10.
Her feet make no sound as she glides my way Her touch destroys my frown and brings light to my day I see her in my dreams but I've never seen her face She is the one for me; She is the one who waits In lavender she comes When I can't go on When things are falling down In lavender she comes I thought I heard her name whispered by the moon And every time it rains I know I'll see her soon Cuz every drop that falls is a tear from her eye And water breaks down walls; All we can do is cry In lavender she comes Someday she'll cry enough To sail into my arms In lavender she comes If I believed in souls, I'd think I was cut in two And then my sacred goal would be to join with you In lavender you'll come; You'll always be with me Our souls will merge as one; In lavender we'll be In lavender she comes We'll always wonder why In lavender she comes All we can do is cry
11.
Piles of roses outside of your door as I'm knocking and knocking but you do not hear me so I am reduced to a shivering pile of sorrow and hatred and love and confusion. I weep on the piles of withering roses and wither myself in a faithful enactment of love and devotion and also self-sacrifice knowing that even the stench of dead flowers will not make you open the door for me anymore. Stubbornly sitting on piles of roses I breathe my last air and I cry my last tears as the last bit of life is chased right up to heaven I don't even see as you open the door.
12.
Don't ever think that it's your fault Don't ever wonder what you did wrong Mommy and Daddy will not be far If you get lonely listen to this song Pink stars glow in the dark Pink stars will light the way Pink stars will shine upon you, Annah Jade Sometimes two people will fall in love Sometimes those people just fall That's how it goes; That's how it is There's nothing you can do at all But it doesn't mean that we don't love you And think about you every day And it doesn't mean we don't love each other We're just happier this way Pink stars wherever you go Pink stars whatever you do Pink stars, Annah Jade, will shine on you You know that I will always be there You know we're never truly apart O' my daughter, I will always love you You'll always come first in my heart
13.
Hands colder than mine quiver like we’re 13 in the Denny’s parking lot 216 moons have smeared the sky with honey of the palest yellow The frailest yellow And I miss you You have to be the grown-up now and I’m so sorry Just another nobody But your children will matter They’ll know The Way They’ll know my name Bring it to me Let me listen again Let me feel you again Call my name again Sing it to me Let me glisten again Let me hold you again Call me yours again I know you understand and I don’t have to tell you That you can always come to me with anything Do you remember when you whispered “He’s lookin’ at our souls!” Bring it to me Let me listen again Let me feel you again Call my name again Sing it to me Let me glisten again Let me hold you again Call me yours again Hands colder than mine quiver like we’re 18 in the Denny’s parking lot 312 moons have smeared the sky with honey of the palest yellow The frailest yellow And I miss you
14.
Funny, I don't feel sexy, or healed, or lit from above And I sure don't feel holy, or well-educated, or even seen! Ain't never been wished upon Ain't never fell from the sky Ain't never been sang a song Ain't never been some girl's guy Ain't never been out on a date Ain't never wondered why Ain't never been out too late Ain't never made you cry I dreamt I kissed you but I don't even know your name Someday I'll find you when I learn to play this game We shared a mourning once but now I mourn alone I'm a stranger in your eyes; I'm a stranger in my home Ain't never been crowned a King Ain't never had tea for two Ain't never been offered a ring Ain't never gone home with you Ain't never played Truth or Dare Ain't never been kissed just right Ain't never been led upstairs Ain't never spent the night I dreamt I kissed you but I don't even know your name Someday I'll find you when I learn to shake this blame We shared a mourning once but now I mourn alone I'm a stranger in your eyes; I'm a stranger in my bones Nothing new, not truly; Not while you fool me with your what-nots and et ceteras filled and ready to duel me Deal me out Right out of your big, big life Right into this big, big hole I dug myself, I know It's too easy to shut the window and ignore the cars going by Pretending there aren't other shades of grey Dreaming too high, where the fall will kill if the lack of air doesn't I can never run away slowly enough to be caught I can never whisper in the rain-free September sun Ain't never been wished upon (other shades of grey) Ain't never fell from the sky (candles on her cake) Ain't never been sang a song (slowly run away) Ain't never been some girl's guy (whisper in the rain) Ain't never been wished upon (whisper in the rain) Ain't never fell from the sky (pretend to run away) Ain't never been sang a song (icing on her cake) Ain't never been some girl's guy (other shades of grey)
15.
Ash colored tiles Stains on my past Slipping down my leg like yesterday Bullets in the background Bullets in the background Waiting for the light to change But it stings It stings and it stinks of memory "Paint it red" she says Only I'm shivering too slowly And I can't find her anymore My dreams are too thick She remains my favorite even though i just met her And the colors are screaming vertigo I only dream in ash colored tiles I went blind on Valentine's Day I've let her become the world again I'm suddenly an optimist I'm totally Gulliver I've been wrapped in grey again Uncertainty, smoke and ash I don't believe in miracles
16.
Black Desert 02:40
Knowing you can't find me drives me mad Hearing only my echoes drives me mad The feel of flesh drives me mad My broken promises drive me mad In this black desert I scream up all the sand down my mad throat bloody and sad And I know they lied to me about the boxes And I know they lied to me about you And I know that if you ever knew my truths you'd feel as low as this "We're not all mad here," someone who isn't you once said But I didn't believe him 'cause I knew I was alone And even though he lied about that I'd believe him if he told me that he loved me 'cause I always believe that part Scream some more sand down my mad throat 'cause I'm not sad enough yet My angry arms still need to fight so I can finally sleep at night Someone told me that this was you and even though I was alone I believed him So I trust it and close my eyes and pray just to wake up alive

about

Back in 2001, we recorded In the Red, Easy to Color Purple, White-Footed Tamarin, Nevergreen, and Clear Blue Easy. Looking at those songs and knowing we already had songs called Black Desert and Ash Colored Tiles, we realized we could put out an entire album of songs with colors in the titles. So we wrote the rest of these songs throughout 2002 intending on a 2003 release. For a variety of reasons, it sat on the shelf, 90% finished, for 17 years.
Now, at long last, the fourth Mayhem Lettuce album is finally here! This album marks a lyrical transition from post-adolescent pining over unavailable women to chronicling the hopes and fears of a new father. Grahm's first daughter was born in late 2001 and her coming into the world greatly affected his songwriting.

credits

released December 4, 2020

On the Spectrum

All songs written and performed by Mayhem Lettuce.

Mayhem Lettuce is Grahm Eberhardt and Wade Saathoff.
Grahm sings and plays keyboards and sometimes other stuff.
Wade plays all the instruments and sings a rare backup vocal here and there.

Mixed and mastered at Elezar Studios in Portland, Oregon by WadeMS.

Copyright © 2020 Is It Good Music

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Mayhem Lettuce Port Byron, Illinois

Mayhem Lettuce was formed in Port Byron, IL in 1993 when two sad teenage boys decided to channel their angst into music.
That music sits at the crossroads of King Missile and Portishead with a dash of The Cure and a pinch of They Might Be Giants.

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