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Here Comes the Cake

by Mayhem Lettuce

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1.
Zen and the Art of Something Clever 02:49
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I embroider my name on the back of your neck to remind me that you're just a metaphor for my inner child... a symbol of who I was before My fingers lock behind your waist and we dance ourself full of slumber. Our dreams are stickier than you taught me, but I was never one to follow. Wishful thinking and thoughts of wishing this was truth invade our private party. The Proper Noun Brigade arms itself with Pop Culture and annihilates me awake. Sometimes this happens every night. Sometimes the pencil is too heavy. Sometimes it's best to just hurl the pencil and shake the keys.
2.
Just Weeping 05:14
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The villians dance across my grave rejoicing as the Angels weep Not tears of sorrow or joy or even excitement or passion Just weeping like the tree in front of Dad's old house where I lost more than my mind Most likely what will happen now will hurt like that night seven years ago when it didn't even rain The bitch clouds held their breath and withheld judgement unwilling to spoil the perfect paradox of rage and want and remembered pair-bonding antics that were obviously false phony forgotten frigid rigid rotten The bitch clouds were taken aback by the storm of pregnant lies and ichor flooding the festival and failed to rain not for the last time
3.
Tashtego's Helmet 03:53
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Distance conquers humor Lies devour fate Nothing left of midnights but a lone betrayal Catch the last ray of moon-glow promises and reflect it back home In light of (In lieu of) a birthday celebration coils of flame surround this nutcase branded "D" for DISEASED and "L" for LUDICROUS but always HIGH and LOW and YOU and YOU (and you and you) When it's time, it's gone She never knows me at all I'm branded I I I I I I I can't creep any lower But I try to "get down" verbally with my favored children who continue to ignore me with practiced elegance And that ain't the only bruise growing bigger. Do these midnight musings do anyone any good? Infest me Impress me Obsess Me I obey Cleanse our time and holify Justify my patience Fish never swam so clean as this absence "I'm too busy for a nutcase like you" C'mere There's a tortoise and a hare waiting near you but you can't see and you won't hear and you don't even care to And it's either or both or neither or nor Don't wash me anymore I'm too white and chafed already Here's the rub I'm 22 Join the club It's better than booze It's cooler than sex It's bigger than you and it's bigger than me and you ignore it as though I wrote it Here comes the part where I pretend to sleep I dreamlessly pretend Pretend not to fall in love with your every word Welcome to 22's world of Mayhem, my Lord O Cap'n My Cap'n Go down it's her ship Ahab, AHAB! Nail that bird NOW! Anyone sees it Not you Is she fazed enough and why is she hiding now? Tomorrow when you die, I will begin the trail of Remedy Over and out Down with her ship
4.
The Promise of Lunacy 02:46
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Awake again no signs of sleeping here not with you away not with that moon hiding behind clouds that promised me rain and when my birthday came delivered only absence smelling of my father (or maybe yours) No, no sleep here not when there's instant communication even if it seems one way not when i can be giving you something anything even this bunch of keystrokes momentarily transformed into zeroes and ones whisked along some eyesore cables (or maybe it goes underground) and popping up in front of those eyes that continue to inspire and inflame How could i sleep? Not when it's finally October and it's finally cold and maybe, someday, it will rain again 'cuz I bloom in the autumn if I live through August and that rain makes me shine and so what if I'm a freak for loving you; a glutton for this punishment; a bunch of keystrokes At least I'm awake, which is more than can be said for most of the world I've seen that's why you're special 'cuz even though you slept on me the night we met, I could see that you were awake even though you pinned my arm down, I could see in you the ability to set me free even though I'm a crazed troubadour, you've allowed me to touch you which is more than can be said for most of the world I've seen Oh, I'm tired make no mistake but there are sometimes better things in life than pleasing the body besides, the colors are more vivid this way and the walls breathe when I'm up too late it's a wonderful gift, these LSD laced veins thanks dad Doing this has been so difficult and I know that it will be difficult again tomorrow, but this knight can see the windmills he just likes the Feel of Failure; the Irony of Wisdom; the Promise of Lunacy
5.
The Taming of the Shoes 05:24
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I'm already in the future I'm still right where you left me I'm already old enough to tie my shoes I subscribed to Time for a little while But Time passed on and I slept through the wake And when I woke up I opened my eyes to the lies and the cries and goodbyes of the fake I'm still right in the future I'm back at square one I'm already outgrowing my dancing shoes I subscribed to Time for a little while But Time passed on and I slept through the wake And when I woke up I opened my eyes to the lies and the cries and goodbyes of the fake I'm tired of the future I'm waiting for you to come I'm already wearing out my walking shoes I subscribed to Time for a little while But Time passed on and I slept through the wake And when I woke up I opened my eyes to the lies and the cries and goodbyes of the fake I'm abandoning that future I'm trying not to cry I'm already far too old to find my shoes
6.
Strawberry Gus 02:15
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Strawberry Gus must educate us and teach us the ways of the Force "I have not the time" says Strawberry Gus, "I'm chasing a runaway horse" But Strawberry Gus enlightens us and teaches us how to think 'Cuz Strawberry Gus introduces us to the world's most fabulous drink Strawberry Shake America Strawberry Shake in the land of the free Strawberry Shake America Rich Tasty Goodness for you and for me Strawberry Gus, won't you listen to us? We are thirsty and we are weak Oh, Strawberry Gus, come and liberate us Come and help us shelter the meek "I have not the time" says Strawberry Gus "I'm donating owls to the zoo" But we don't worry 'bout Strawberry Gus We know just what to do Strawberry Shake America Strawberry Shake in the land of the free Strawberry Shake America Rich Tasty Goodness for you and for me Strawberry Gus, have you forsaken us? Are you tired of hearing us moan? We can't live without you Strawberry Gus Please do not leave us alone Says Strawberry Gus, "I haven't the time I'm trying to raise Ike from the dead" But we don't get mad at Strawberry Gus We go to Hardeez instead Strawberry Shake America Strawberry Shake in the land of the free Strawberry Shake America Rich Tasty Goodness for you and for me Strawberry Shake Pink Foamy Goodness for you and for me
7.
To Fight Legends 02:28
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Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. The current of the river swept silently over them all - young and old, rich and poor, good and evil, the current going its own way, knowing only its own crystal self. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life and what each had learned from birth. But one creature said at last "I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes, I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom." The other creatures laughed and said, "Fool! Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled and smashed across the rocks, and you will die quicker than boredom!" But the one heeded them not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed by the current across the rocks. Yet in time, as the creature refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and he was bruised and hurt no more. And the creatures downstream, to whom he was a stranger, cried, "See a miracle! A creature like ourselves, yet he flies! See the Messiah, come to save us all!" And the one carried in the current said, "I am no more Messiah than you. The river delights to lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this adventure." But they cried all the more, "Saviour!" all the while clinging to the rocks, and when they looked again he was gone, and they were left alone making legends of a saviour.
8.
Fat Bob on the Prowl 03:05
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I stumble down the street and I don't know which way to go I'm knocking at your door but the silence says there's nobody home And I'm feeling kind of sick and I need to find something pure And I'm feeling kind of creepy and I'm looking for the cure Fall down Spin around The whole world has gone upside-down I'm downtown I look around I'm gonna find you and bring you down Creepin' down the street, homing in on your scent Asking all the street signs to tell me which way that you went I feel a little sick and I need to find someone pure And I'm feeling kind of sexy and I think that maybe you've got the cure
9.
From Sugar 02:16
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When I was young and less mature I wanted to be an astronomer and ride the stars from here to Jupiter and steal the moon from brother Lucifer But I was always too scared of the dark until you came along and make your mark My chocolate goddess avatar renewed my faith in love and stars And now I'm able to brave the black and fight the nighttime demons back The needle found in my haystack My snow white aphrodisiac And if at night in fear and shame the shadows lick at my bedframe my sanity I can reclaim by simply calling out your name
10.
Whisper 04:19
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I whisper to the nightlight I utter your name So the shadows it casts on my wall will dance the dance that you taught me I whisper to the nightlight I tell it your secret name So the shadows that creep up my wall won't haunt me I whisper to the nightlight I cry out your name And coax the shadows on my wall to hold me and rock me to sleep like you do I whisper to the nightlight It already knows your name And the shadows that dance on my wall dance the dance you taught me the sacred dance you taught me I whisper to the nightlight I call it by your name It takes my hand and leads me in the shadow dance you taught me the Dreamland Dance you taught me
11.
Black Desert 04:58
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Knowing you can't find me drives me mad Hearing only my echoes drives me mad The feel of flesh drives me mad My broken promises drive me mad In this black desert I scream up all the sand down my mad throat bloody and sad And I know they lied to me about the boxes And I know they lied to me about you And I know that if you ever knew my truths you'd feel as low as this "We're not all mad here," someone who isn't you once said But I didn't believe him 'cause I knew I was alone And even though he lied about that I'd believe him if he told me that he loved me 'cause I always believe that part Scream some more sand down my mad throat 'cause I'm not sad enough yet My angry arms still need to fight so I can finally sleep at night Someone told me that this was you and even though I was alone I believed him So I trust it and close my eyes and pray to wake up alive
12.
Il Filostrato 04:19
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Drifting into loneliness as though it made a difference Watching her miss him pretend it doesn't hit you Writing from a distance Loving from afar Nothing but resistance Nothing but a star Knowing it will never be Knowing she will never see Knowing you will never free your soul Knowing it can not be true Knowing it can not be you Knowing you could never do at all Knowing that your love's a sin Knowing you will never win Knowing you have fallen from the start Knowing things won't be the same Knowing you're the one to blame Knowing you will never tame her heart Run around in dog-chain circles Bark at each smooth-talkin' guy Run around and jump those hurdles Howl at every moon-stained sky Paint yourself the hero of your favorite tragic trash Swear by Jove and Venus up above Stand tall as ancient notions and modern dating clash Hold true to the ideals of courtly love Knowing it will never be Knowing she will never see Knowing you will never free your soul Knowing it can not be true Knowing it can not be you Knowing you could never do at all Knowing that your love's a sin Knowing you will never win Knowing you have fallen from the start Knowing things won't be the same Knowing you're the one to blame Knowing you will never tame her heart
13.
22 02:39
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Excuse me, I'm falling faster than hope Faster than secrecy, too fast to cope Falling down and filling up these useless, empty years Fill another grimoire with the memoirs of my tears All in all, it's all been fun Said and done, sad and dumb A sudden kingdom of Papa's ash A party crashing throne for one The sire opens his jaded heart To soon to finish, too late to start Too familiar to my fading faith To foreign for me to see it safe All in all, it's all been fun Said and done, sad and dumb A sudden kingdom of Papa's ash A party crashing throne for one St John, this seems so familiar, and yet, there are so many differences in today's story that I can barely whisper in the rain. A pox on both mice and men. It's all afire again. All in all, it's all been fun Said and done, sad and dumb A sudden kingdom of Papa's ash A party crashing throne for one Luck needs a Lady Misery needs a Friend Nature hates a Vacuum World without End
14.
Embers 04:54
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There's a picture on my dashboard that's fading in the sun There's a picture in my mind as I'm fumbling with my gun There's a song on the radio I ain't heard in twenty years There's only one way I'll ever end these tears The mind's eye can picture you as clear as day The eye's mind remembers But I want those memories far away Like dying embers There's a twitch in my hand as I tighten my finger There's a smile on my face as I pull the trigger There's a song on the radio I ain't heard in twenty years There's a hole in my head to let out all the fears The mind's eye can picture you as clear as day The eye's mind remembers But I want those memories far away Like dying embers
15.
Shiver 03:29
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Stain my soul with your love With the blood of your love Stain my soul purple with the blood of your love There's ancient hungers howling inside me Like nighttime tiger gifts with fading stripes There's distance ringing deep inside my ears Like feeling for mousetraps in the dark Can I shiver with you? Open up your arms and let me in Let me pollinate that sleepy blossom That you keep hidden in your heart Open up your dreams and take me in The angel candles won't keep us warm enough And I can never hold you close enough But together we can shiver enough To stain my soul with your love Can I shiver with you? Stain my soul with your love With the blood of your love Stain my soul purple with the blood of your love Can I shiver with you?
16.
Chaucer Creeps 04:54
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I'm gettin' creepier by the minute and it's all downhill from here Humbug fills up my tiny brains as I hum away the fear Of ignorance ignoring ignorant me And a million tons of chocolate ice cream Can't begin to placate the yawning loss Of losing my sweet Violet again I warned you I'd horde you You belong here with me Bathe in anorexia and heroin eyeshadow Spin like a scratchy 45 Open and close your lipstuck puppet mouth Sing and dance and lie like you're alive Clinging again - but I think I deserve you Thinking again - of ways to betray you Drinking again - I know what I promised you Singing again - I know what that does to you Sing and dance and lie like you're alive Sing and dance and lie O ye of little cloth and even less faith Why do you insist on tampering with fate? Halfway between divinity and a fall from grace You'd walk on flaming coals just to see her face Your bitter song rings out like church bells in the morn' Your eyes are ever shining, your face is never worn How can you continue your half-mad belief iI the never-yielding face of misery and grief? It's bad - smoky and bad Worse than you remember; So bad I forget To breathe this rancid time away and fight the rising light Hell, I'd even miss the fights if there were any Clinging again - but I think I deserve you Thinking again - of ways to betray you Drinking again - I know what I promised you Singing again - Yeah, I know what that does to you Beautiful and pathetic, you intrigue and enthrall Misguided and misplaced, you falter and you fall Decades, hours, minutes, second place trophies on the wall Waiting in oblivion - waiting for your call I warned you I'd horde you I warned you
17.
Blown Down 05:43
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Trapped somewhere stifling between a birthday and a heartache with a mad dog conscience out to get me Waiting, blowing icing bubbles, blowing off your steam I'd really like to leave but you won't let me You won't let me blow the candles out or burn them at both ends as I'm writhing trying to shake you off my back And I know that all this talk of parties, mayhem, love, and death is only giving me another heart attack Knowing I am better, I guess I best be moving on I see you turn your head away to hide another yawn You blow me a kiss You blow me away You keep me awake You keep me at bay And I never know what to say How long can you treat me this way? Rotting in the darkness of this prison that you built I find a side of me I never knew Stagnant and resentful, I boil in the haze forever wondering what to make of you Somewhere someone somehow managed to turn off all the lights and I can't help but think that it was me If I could, I would restore the faith I'd render our time holy I'd take your hand; together we'd be free You say I know better, I know I best be moving on Cuz if I wait around for you, I'll blink and you'll be gone You'll blow me a kiss You'll blow me away You'll keep me awake You'll keep me at bay And now that I know what to say How long can you keep running away? Now that I know what to say How long can you run away? You said I knew better, I knew I'd best be moving on Cuz if I'd waited around for you, I'd have blinked and you'd been gone You'd blow me a kiss You'd blow me away You kept me awake You kept me at bay Now that I know what to say How long can you keep running away? Now that I know what to say How long can you run away? Blown down
18.
I Wanna Be a Trendy Bitch 02:23
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Don't look now Cat in the Hat's an alien Don't pray for me, I'm a vegetarian I'm gonna save the world and feed the whales and heal the sick and curse the damned feed a child and sell my car kill an Arab and form a rock band bomb a clinic and boycott tuna Gimme a cause - I'll take a stand On early abortion late night TV Who shot down plane flight 103? I'll beat the Devil with a pair of Aces and even learn to love Oasis Sugar and Spice A bunch of whores A corporate chain of alternative stores All my clothes are rain forest safe 2 sizes too big for tomorrow night's rave
19.
Turn Down the Music 05:54
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oh alone all alone those wandering tired awake i live awake away... from you i visit heartache daily it's a regular gift to myself oh my love i want to know what makes it so hard to remain to remind now i know what it's for though i can't like it anymore now i know what it's for it was you i adore yeah you i adore how can i live can i live here without my something someone somehow must have told me turn down the love turn down the music i can barely hear it

about

Mayhem Lettuce's debut album was recorded between 1997 and 1999, largely by playing live into a cassette recorder. We hope you enjoy the lo-fi charm of us fumbling our way towards competence. Our early sound is very inspired by King Missile. Lots of spoken word pieces here. Digitally remastered for your pleasure.

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released January 1, 1999

All songs written and performed by Mayhem Lettuce unless otherwise noted. Mayhem Lettuce is Grahm Eberhardt and Wade Saathoff.

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Mayhem Lettuce Port Byron, Illinois

Mayhem Lettuce was formed in Port Byron, IL in 1993 when two sad teenage boys decided to channel their angst into music.
That music sits at the crossroads of King Missile and Portishead with a dash of The Cure and a pinch of They Might Be Giants.

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