Get all 20 Mayhem Lettuce releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of FHTAGN! An Abhorrent Album of Lovecraftian Loathsomeness, Imported From China, Creepier by the Minute, There Goes the Cake, Ashes, Whispers, & Lies, Sin & Tonic, The Titles of the Songs on This Album Are Complete Sentences., The Totally Haunted EP, and 12 more.
1. |
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Beneath these Palmolive hands, grey mutters
something about excess and simplicity
Anubis and Thoth wait, replete with justice,
for these gleaming carnal smiles to fade to something pure.
Desire obeys vision, but sweat always gives way to Sol.
Soul.
That's what I'm all about, man.
What I've achieved, they'll take and feed to Libra
and if the feather remembers its former purpose...
But the wind isn't always strong enough to blow this man down.
Tao.
That's what I'm all about, man.
This poetic exodus from exctasy to exile is excessive,
but one needs a dichotomy to shake up that scale.
I don't want to write another sad chapter so I'll just close the book, put down the pen, and say goodnight.
Goodnight.
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2. |
Wake Up the Cat
03:32
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cry baby cry and wake up the cat but don't say goodbye you must never say that
for inside is fever there's nothing to see and outside is nowhere we want you to be
so spoil your nightgown and soil your drawers but don't come to meet me on distant brown shores
and brave me a starlight to shine my way back and keep me all snuggly and safe from attack
until the old noon bell rings and pastors emerge and all the good children run off to the church
where magick and monsters in tales are retold and everything not nailed down grows too cold
when the windows aren't open there's nothing to see but a cake in the oven, my baby and me
all hungry and pouting and banging her spoon but i've nothing to do except wish on the moon
wish on the moon
and her eyes hold a secret so awful and pure covered in boils for which there is no known cure
rolling over and under with no sign of sleep and the cat is still snoring with nary a peep
and mother will come down from heaven to yell at the creatures who flee at the old noon time bell
and the heat from the mountains comes over the land and the streets turn to clay and the people to sand
and those creatures, my baby and that old sleeping cat will stalk the remains and will not stop to chat
they will twist and they'll turn and uncover your face and pull you right out of your clever hiding place
and strip you of pretense and fill you with lies and howl like sick puppies at the pale moon-stained sky
so cry baby cry and wake up the cat but don't say goodbye you must never say that
you must never say that
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3. |
No Title
02:34
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no sleep
no magic word
no lack or error
no lack of hurt
no lack of trying
no lack of propriety
no lack of taking turns
no turn of events
no turn of leaves
no rain
no presents
no card
no surprise call
no surprise there
no wonder
no other
no chance
no money
no future
no flesh
no fun
no inhibitions
no prohibitions
no smoking
no discolorations
no dissolutions
no disillusions
no solutions
no salvation
no salutations
no saving grace
no good graces
no graceful entrance
no exit
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4. |
All Else Fails
04:55
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That's why there's no heartbeat
That's why it's all so cracked
That's why the wings are burning
That's why it hurts to laugh
My Sunday best was never very good
My Sunday best was never very good, no
My Sunday best was never good enough
and that's why I keep on hangin'
Fathers, Sons, Holy Smokels
and the last thing he ever said
to my sad scared young scarred body was this:
"Be good."
"Be good."
All else failed so I was good
All else failed so I was good, yeah
All else failed and so did I
All else failed...
There was some simple, radical difference about him;
he hoped it was genius, feared it was madness,
devoted himself to amiability and inconspicuousness
My Sunday best was never very good
My Sunday best was never very good, no
My Sunday best was never good enough
and that's why I keep on hangin'
That's why the wings are burning
That's why my heart is cracked
That's why my home is gone
Obscured by my past
All else failed so I was good
All else failed so I was good, yeah
All else failed and so did I
All else failed...
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5. |
15 Birds
01:23
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Fifteen birds in five fir trees
Their feathers were fanned in a fiery breeze
What funny little birds; they have no wings
Oh, what shall we do with the funny little things?
Hey, roast 'em alive or stew 'em in a pot
Fry them, boil them, and eat them hot
Yeah, burn, burn tree and fern
Shrivel and scorch, a fizzling torch
And light the night for our delight
Ya hey!
Ya hey!
Bake and toast 'em
Fry and roast 'em
'Till beards blaze and eyes glaze
'Till hair smells and skins crack
Fat melts and bones black
In cinders lie beneath the sky
so Dwarves shall die
and light the night for our delight
Ya hey!
Ya harri-hey!
Ya hey!
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6. |
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Someday I'll find a way to make you listen
Someday I'll find a way to make you speak
Someday you'll scream at me to shut my mouth
Someday you'll realize that I'm a freak
Someday I'll find a way to take this mask off
Someday you'll wish that we'd never met
Someday you'll find a way to glue this mask on
Someday you'll find your way out of debt
But so what?
So what?
You're not listening
You're not listening
What good does anything do us when you just turn it away?
What good does communicating do us when you won't let me stay?
Someday I'll find a way to let you see me
Someday you'll wish that you were blind
Someday you'll find a way to run away from me
Someday I'll force you to speak your mind
Someday I'll find a way that I can reach you
Someday I'll find a way into your heart
Someday you'll find something that I can teach you
Someday you'll finally make a brand new start
But so what?
So what?
You're not listening
You're not listening
p.s. You're not listening
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7. |
I Dare You to Pieces
03:53
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I loved you so hard the moon shook
Dim stars like candles fell out of view
Your eyes once held a truth so terrible
A nightmare borne of a thousand failed lines
...a thousand failed lives
I dare you to pieces I dare you to be this
I dare you to read this I dare you to need this
I dare you to face me How dare you deface me
I dare you to grace me How dare you replace me
What's left of me chokes down your absence
Unbidden, the pastel walls breathe for me
Constricting my fury
Containing my heart
Tighter comes the night
Tighter comes the night
I dare you to pieces I dare you to be this
I dare you to read this I dare you to need this
I dare you to face me How dare you deface me
I dare you to grace me How dare you replace me
I dare you to pull down the stars from the heavens
I dare you to rip Luna's Eye from the sky
I dare you to smash me and crash me through mountains
I dare you to love me
I dare you to lie
I dare you to take all that I have to give you
I dare you to feel as badly as I
I dare you to write me a thousand love letters
I dare you to come
Don't you dare ask my why
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8. |
Still-Life w/ Cushion
02:25
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Struggling to cram together the trees and the shapes
and the colors and the fury of it all
but there's interference
even here where I can touch it
there's too much interference
and the red still seeps in
and I can't even cross it out properly.
One perfect triangle (nearly) near the Chinese Village
on the sea near the mountain o' trees -- centerstage
Failed arrows intersect the snow-capped peaks as leaned-
on fences and palm trees sway in some invisible breeze.
The tree, the lone tree, the one discernible shape
(if you don't count the TIE fighter, which, of course, I do)
stands tall, firm against the abstraction where it looks like rain.
Whitewash creeps in in a mad attempt to conceal the red
but only manages to form a slim stump.
Under all, the kindly sage tends his Asian garden underneath
the perfect triangle, which, I now see ain't so perfect.
The dim outline of a headless man -- victim of crimson --
stands waiting for the final act.
Sadly, the curtain has already fallen.
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9. |
Break the Ice
03:00
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Break the ice I can't seem to
Break the ice I can never quite
This new ice between us
I can't seem to break
This new ice between us
is causing me to break
I didn't see the ice age coming
I didn't see it start snowing
I didn't feel the cold wind howling
and now my hands and feet are growing numb
Things were said and things were done
But this ice won't melt in the sun
I'm lost in the cold without you
in this ice age I created
I have nothing to hold without you
and all my hopes and dreams have faded
I could wish a million wishes on a thousand starry nights
wishing each and every wish could make it turn out right
But I'm frozen body and soul when we're this far apart
struggling to break the ice that's formed around your heart
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10. |
This One's for Fruity
03:02
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The greatest story never told
The spy who came in from the cold
A list of clients on his hand
A selfish giant of a man
He said
Not for money
Not for free
This one's for Fruity
He said
"I always would've loved
to be the landlord of a pub
and when the evening session ends
I'd have a lock-in just for friends"
Not for Noel
Not for Liam
This one's for Fruity
The greatest story never told
The spy who came in from the cold
Not for money
Not for free
Not for the Oasis fans
and not the BBC
This one's for Fruity
...and Spinach!
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11. |
Inside Out Outside You
04:10
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A touch of evil from the Goblin King
A Duke egg-white as your skin
Truth naked and bent
Your heart evergreen
On your lips the promise of a sin
Moonage inside you
Art crime inside you
Jean Genie inside you
Seven years inside you
Dead man inside you
Thirteen o'clock inside you
Stardust inside you
Touch of evil inside you
Goblin King inside you
Evergreen inside you
Absence inside you
Exiled inside you
Believe me when I pray to you
I could spend Friday under you
I could spend Saturday inside you
I could spend Sunday kneeling before you
But my car is nearly as dead as you
And I am kept away from you
Away from you
Outside you
Outside
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12. |
Ditheleticism Confused
02:45
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In the underbrush is often found
a subtil beast: placed by seraphic hands
to guide through destruction and unite
for the common good of being evil.
While the wings are hard
to see, the implications are always the same.
The smiles are inhuman and
necessary as the carpenter's cup catches
the falling charisma
dripping from the forked tongues
of folks like Amber and little Addie
and other Noble Heroes. Pistis Sophia
is the one, acting under orders, of
course, like Arnold the Blessed, who
allows the serpents to bite.
We will never see beyond words
no matter how much light is shed
by the Morning Star. So we plod
on, finding hope, and maybe belief,
but never a good reason to hope or believe
in Angels.
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13. |
Meanwhile In Space
01:57
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I'm the nicest guy in the world
when I've got my feet on the ground
As long as I'm on the Earth
I'm the nicest guy in town
But when I go into orbit
you just better look out
'cuz I'm mean while in space
yeah, mean while in space
On my last lunar mission
we landed at the moon base
One of my fellow astronauts
said "Slow down, Jack; This ain't no race!"
So I threw her on the floor
and I kicked her in the face
'cuz I'm mean while in space
yeah, mean while in space
mean while in space
Mean!
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14. |
One Eyed Waitress
02:45
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So I went up to Chicago last weekend on account of my hometown, Port Byron, where I live, has this thing called Tug Fest which is where they put a big rope across the Mississippi River and Port Byron, my home town, where I live and have lived for 20 years, has a big Tug O' War with LeClaire, which is across the river from Port Byron, where I live, and I hate it. I hate Tug Fest. I hate it because there's all these redneck hippy assholes who park their pick-up trucks in my yard and in front of my driveway and toss their beercans in my yard and pee in my yard and shit. So, to get away from Tug Fest, I went to Chicago and I had a fun weekend but then on Sunday, I was having dinner with my friend Amy and we went to this place, I think it's called Sally's or something. It was one of those 24 hour Denny's type places only a bit nicer and with more colour in the decor. And I saw this waitress walking around in the dining area serving people and she had an eye patch. And I though to myself, "Wow! I hope we get to be served by the One Eyed Waitress!" Just then, the host told us our table was ready and we went and sat down in the non-smoking section and began to peruse the menus. Then, the One Eyed Waitress came over and I got all excited. She started by asking us what we wanted to drink and Amy ordered a Sprite and I asked if there was a Dr Pepper or Mr Pibb or similar beverage but the One Eyed Waitress said "Don't I wish!" which I took as a No and said I'd settle for a Coke. Then, the One Eyed Waitress asked us what we wanted and Amy ordered something which I can't remember what that was now. Some kind of omellete or souflette or something healthy like that and the waitress flipped out! She totally flipped out! She was like "That's the third time tonight we've had that order! I can't believe it! You're the third person to order that from me here tonight! The cook's not going to believe me when I tell him! He's going to be all like "Are you kidding? Another one?" and I'll be all like "That's what she wants, man!" And so the One Eyed Waitress turns to me and says "So, what'll you have?" and I say "I'd like to eat up the Turkey Clubhouse." And she just looks at me... with her one good eye... and says "Are you kidding? That's the third time
that's been ordered tonight! Different tables from the other one but still two other orders!" and I'm like "Well, I can just have a cheeseburger or something if this is going to upset you." and she was like "No, you should go where your hunger leads you." So then like Amy and I talked about how crazy this One Eyed Waitress was for a while and then after a bit our food came but our drinks did not. I didn't really notice on account of I drink a lot of water anyway and I was enjoying that but Amy said "This would sure be better if I had my Sprite!" and that's when I noticed that my Coke was not present. So we then went about trying to flag down the waitress which was difficult on account of she only had the one eye and it seemed that as she was serving the other patrons of the restaurant, she always had her bad eye facing us so she could never see us frantically trying to get her attention.
Finally, as we were devouring the last morsels of our meals, the One Eyed Waitress came over to ask if everything was all right which waitresses usually do and usually everything is all right unless maybe you want like a refill or something but we didn't even have the option of getting a refill as we'd never received our drinks in the first place. It was bad enough that they had no Dr Pepper or Mr Pibb or Dr Slice or Mr Thunder or Cap'n Moonbeam and I had to get Coke. But having settled for Coke, I was denied even that inferior beverage by the One Eyed Waitress. So she came over and asked if everything was all right and I said No and Amy said "We need our drinks." and the One Eyed Waitress blanched and gasped and apologized and ran off to the kitchen. Moments later, she returned with our drinks and thanked us for our patience and told Amy and I that we should be made Saints and I told her that I already was a Saint which I am through the Universal Life Church. But the One Eyed Waitress got real scared and said "I gotta go" and left to go wait on someone else. Amy didn't want to leave a tip at first but we ended up leaving $2.00 which I thought was about right because even though she forgot our drinks, it was pretty cool to be served by a One Eyed Waitress.
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15. |
I, Macha
01:02
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16. |
Decomposition in Bm
04:30
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Grinding my teeth on the cold steel bars
Watching the freight trains slip away into the night
Carrying yesterday's dreams, tomorrow's hopes, last night's forbidden pleasure
And as the trains depart and the clouds roll ahead I wonder if it's worth it.
'Cause as she marches away and the music is playing I can't hear it through the echoes of my own stupidity.
Naive as the Reaper is cold, I weep.
Somewhere, she's watching the clouds and humming the song and shivering.
And I'm watching the same clouds and humming the same song and shivering right along with her.
I wrap my cloak around her beauty
The cloak she's forgotten about as she wonders who taught her the song...
but not too much.
Kill me gently as I sleep
I never sleep I never know
You never know me when I sleep
I never sleep I never die
Too dead to sleep, I know
I never know
You'll never know me
when I'm dead when I'm asleep
I never die
I never sleep
You don't listen
You can't listen
You won't listen
Goddamn you, listen
Listen to my sleepy head
I'm so tired
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17. |
The Poisonous Boy
03:49
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I know I used to be free of this
I know I used to be pure
But you filled my veins with venom
and my heart knows there's no cure
I don't know how Ambrosian bliss
could fester into hate
But this toxin is my destiny
Infestation is my fate
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18. |
Eternal Tundras
02:34
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19. |
To Become More
04:13
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20. |
Tomorrow, Wendy
03:05
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It is complete now; two ends of time are neatly tied
A one-way street - She's walking to the end of the line
and there she meets the faces she keeps in her heart and mind
They say "Goodbye"
Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
Underneath the chilly grey November sky
You can make-believe that Kennedy is still alive
They're shooting for the moon and Smiling Jack is driving by
They say "Good try"
Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
and God says "Jump" so I set the time
'cuz if he ever saw, it was through these eyes of mine
and if he suffered, it was me who did his crying
Hey, hey Goodbye
Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
I told the priest "Don't plan on any second coming
God got his ass kicked the first time he came down here slumming
He had the balls to come, the gall to die and then forgive us
No, I dont' wonder why; I wonder what he thought it'd get us"
Hey, hey Goodbye
Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
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21. |
Galactic Lipstick #2
02:20
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22. |
The Final Maybe
04:36
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This may be the final maybe
and maybe it should be the end
No yes No hello No way it must be
Just maybe and never to mend
This may be the final maybe
and maybe it should end this way
No kiss, no goodbye, no if it could be
Just maybe and nothing to say
and now I'm not allowed to touch you
and now I'm not allowed to feel
and now I'm not allowed to love you
and now I'm not allowed to see
This may be the final maybe
and maybe we weren't meant to be
No tears, no laughter, no if you could see
Just maybe you need to be free
Maybe I want to move faster than this
and maybe I need to go slow
but easy has never come easily
and maybe easy should be hard
and maybe it should kill you once in a while
and maybe we should never touch again
and maybe I'll never let you go
but try and hold your screaming corpse
still as I swipe your grace
and fill you with stiff lies
and maybe that's for the best
and maybe it'll be our downfall
and maybe, just maybe, May 21st is cursed
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Mayhem Lettuce Port Byron, Illinois
Mayhem Lettuce was formed in Port Byron, IL in 1993 when two sad teenage boys decided to channel their angst into music.
That music sits at the crossroads of King Missile and Portishead with a dash of The Cure and a pinch of They Might Be Giants.
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